Sweet Revenge on Women

Did the title "Sweet Revenge on Women" attract you or perhaps visually bother you when you read it?

I understand your feelings, but you'll see in the following titles, lines about what I want to talk about.

Before starting this article, I remind you of the last articles I wrote:

How to be creative in conversations with women?

What is revenge?

To me, revenge is those thoughts and emotions you keep inside yourself to show that person "who you are" or to make them feel what you felt.

It is an inner anger or frustration that manifests itself through pride and stubbornness simply by deliberately going against that person.

What I did with women when they did me wrong or didn't do what I wanted. I would get into a sweet revenge.

🔊 Discover how you can resolve revenge (sweet revenge)! Sign up for a session now FREE 1-on-1 to learn the secrets of emotional management.

Men who want sweet revenge

As a child, if you had a mother who did one or more of the following things:

possessiveness – she was very suffocating with you and didn't give you freedom
control freak – wanted to control every move you make
perfectionist – everything should be perfect and you shouldn't make mistakes
manipulative – to manipulate you into doing what she does
orders – he gave you orders without asking or thanking you
abusive – verbally, emotionally, or physically abusing you
victim – constantly victimizes himself to you about his problems or what your father does to him
the need to be saved – she constantly wanted you to save her from her problems
didn't listen to your point of view – whatever you said didn't take into account and didn't see your point of view, it had to be like her

Analyze how many of the previous points you find yourself in during your childhood. The more you find yourself in, the more resentment and anger you have towards your mother.

You couldn't express this anger or rage because you were afraid of it.

You considered yourself too young to show your anger or frustration towards your mother.

If you didn't show it, you were probably grumbling in your mind, cursing at her, or walking away with that anger you didn't show. In those moments, you unconsciously created a revenge pact on an emotional and spiritual level.

This revenge pact you have on your mother you will manifest on the women in your life.

Because that mother didn't give you the autonomy or trust you wanted and constantly wanted to keep you "under her skirt."

How does this sweet revenge manifest itself on women?

This sweet revenge or revenge pact that you have on your mother at an unconscious level manifests itself through several mechanisms (mental patterns) that you make.

The mental patterns are as follows:

1) The need for control (Control freak)

The need for control este o necesitate psihologică comună în viața umană. Această nevoie se referă la dorința oamenilor de a avea influență și autoritate asupra propriilor vieți și asupra mediului lor înconjurător. Nevoia de control poate fi observată în numeroase aspecte ale vieții, iar absența ei poate duce la stres, anxietate și frustrare.

Here are some ways in which the need for control manifests itself in everyday life:

Control over personal decisions: People want to have the power to make important decisions in their lives, such as career, education, relationships, and more.
Environmental control: People want to have a degree of control over their physical environment. This can mean organizing and arranging their home, but also ensuring a safe and healthy environment.
Control over time: The need for control also manifests itself in personal time management. People want to organize their agenda and allocate time for activities that bring them satisfaction and fulfillment.
Control over your own health: Many people want to have control over their health, making decisions about diet, exercise, and medical care.
Control over interpersonal relationships: People want to have control over their personal relationships, including their choice of life partner, friends, and how they communicate with others.
Financial control: The need for control is also reflected in money management. People want to have control over their budget, save and invest responsibly.

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2) Perfectionism or the pursuit of perfection

Perfectionism, or perfectionism, is a personality trait and approach to life in which a person constantly strives to achieve extremely high standards and achieve perfect results in all aspects of their life. This can include professional tasks, academic achievements, personal appearance, interpersonal relationships, and more.

Perfectionists impose a level of perfection on themselves that can be difficult to achieve and maintain a constant feeling of dissatisfaction with their own performance, regardless of how good they may actually be.

Here are some characteristics of perfectionism:

High standards: Perfectionists have very high standards for themselves. They tend to see only two states: perfection or failure.
Severe self-criticism: Perfectionists tend to be overly critical of their own mistakes and imperfections, which can lead to low self-esteem.
Procrastination: Sometimes, perfectionism can lead to procrastination of tasks because the person feels overwhelmed by the pressure to make them perfect.
Exhaustion and anxiety: The pursuit of perfection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout, as the perfectionist always feels under pressure and restless.
Relationship difficulties: Perfectionism can have a negative impact on interpersonal relationships because the perfectionist may have unrealistic expectations of others and be critical of their efforts.

3) Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment is one of the three main attachment styles in the attachment theory developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. This attachment style develops in childhood and tends to influence how a person attaches and interacts in adult relationships.

The main characteristics of avoidant attachment include:

Emotional distance: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to avoid openly expressing their emotions and maintain an emotional distance from others. They may be reluctant to share their deepest thoughts or feelings with their partners or to ask for help in times of need.
Excessive independence: People with this attachment style may have an exaggerated desire for independence and autonomy. They often feel uncomfortable or even anxious about having to depend on others or being emotionally dependent on someone.
Avoiding commitment: They may avoid or hesitate to commit to long-term relationships, such as marriage or cohabitation, because they fear the possibility of becoming too dependent or feeling emotionally tied down.
The tendency to minimize conflicts: Instead of addressing conflicts or problems in the relationship, people with avoidant attachment may minimize or ignore them, trying to avoid any situation that could bring them closer to their partner or involve a deeper disclosure of their emotions.
Avoiding getting too close: They may also avoid too much physical or emotional closeness in relationships, including moments of tenderness or intense emotional intimacy.

Avoidant attachment develops in childhood as a way of coping with a lack of or inconsistent attention and care from attachment figures. Children with this attachment style may learn to fend for themselves and suppress their need for emotional closeness to avoid disappointment.

However, in adult relationships, avoidant attachment can create communication difficulties and problems can arise in couple relationships.

4) Emotional rigidity or closure

Rigidity refers to the quality or trait of being inflexible, immobile, or unchanging in thought, behavior, or attitude. It is the opposite of adaptability or flexibility and can have different manifestations in different aspects of life. Rigidity can be observed in thinking, in the way a person approaches problems, in the way they interact with others, and in their general behavior.

Here are some ways stiffness can show up in everyday life:

Mental rigidity: This is a common type of rigidity and refers to the tendency to have fixed or limited thinking. Mentally rigid people may be resistant to change, hold on to their beliefs or ideas, and not be open to alternatives or other people's perspectives.
Behavioral rigidity: This involves difficulty adapting or changing behavior. A behaviorally rigid person may insist on a fixed routine or have difficulty adapting to changes in schedule or the demands of a situation.
Emotional rigidity: This type of rigidity refers to the inability to manage or adapt to emotional changes. Emotionally rigid people may be prone to overreacting or have difficulty recovering from stressful or traumatic events.
Interpersonal rigidity: This manifests itself in difficulty developing or maintaining healthy relationships. A person with interpersonal rigidity may have difficulty adapting to the needs and desires of others, which can create tension in relationships.
Rigidity in goals or expectations: People can be rigid about their goals or expectations of themselves and others. This can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction when things don't go as planned or expected.

5) Not taking responsibility in a relationship

Failure to fulfill responsibilities in a relationship can have multiple causes and can vary from one relationship to another. Here are some of the common causes of failure to assume responsibilities in a relationship:

Poor communication: Poor or ineffective communication can lead to confusion or misunderstandings about responsibilities and expectations in a relationship. If partners do not clearly express their needs and desires or do not listen carefully to each other's points of view, difficulties in fulfilling responsibilities may arise.
Misaligned beliefs and expectations: Differences in values, habits, and expectations can lead to a lack of accountability. If partners have different expectations about who should do what in the relationship, tension and conflict can arise.
Power and control issues: In some relationships, one partner may try to control or dominate the relationship, which can lead to an unfair distribution of responsibilities. The person who feels dominated may avoid taking on responsibilities to avoid conflict or to maintain their position of control.
Lack of motivation or interest: If one partner loses interest or motivation in the relationship, they may become careless about fulfilling responsibilities. This can happen, for example, in relationships that have become routine or where the initial passion has faded.
The unprepared conflict: Dealing with conflict and relationship difficulties can be difficult for some people, and avoiding responsibilities can be a way to avoid or postpone difficult discussions.
Stress and personal problems: Stress or personal problems outside the relationship can affect a person's ability to fulfill their responsibilities in the relationship. Sometimes, a person can be so overwhelmed by personal problems that they no longer have the resources to fulfill their responsibilities in the relationship.

What lies beneath this sweet revenge?

Underneath this anger, sweet revenge or revenge pact, whatever you want to call it, lies a great wound of abandonment.

It's a constant need for love and the fear of getting attached to one person. It's a cruel internal war.

The symptoms of abandonment trauma can vary from person to person and can be influenced by the degree and nature of previous experiences with abandonment, as well as how each individual deals with this trauma. Here are some common symptoms of abandonment trauma:

Abandonment anxiety: People with abandonment trauma may have chronic or recurring anxiety related to the fear of being abandoned or rejected by loved ones. This anxiety can be intense and intensify in contexts where they feel vulnerable in their relationships.
Obsessive themes and thoughts: People with abandonment anxiety may have obsessive thoughts related to the fear of being abandoned. They may constantly wonder if their partner or friends will abandon them or look for signs of possible abandonment.
Attachment disorders: The wound of abandonment can affect a person's attachment. Some may become too close or overly dependent on their partners, while others may avoid emotional closeness to avoid the risk of rejection.
Self-sabotage in relationships: People with this wound may self-sabotage their relationships or create conflict to test or challenge their partners' loyalty. This can create tension and instability in relationships.
Reinsurance dependency: Those with abandonment trauma may constantly seek reassurance from loved ones to calm their abandonment anxiety. They may frequently ask for confirmation of others' love and attachment.
Depression and isolation: The wound of abandonment can contribute to the development of symptoms of depression, such as feelings of sadness, lack of interest and energy, social isolation, and negative self-evaluation.
Social hypervigilance: Some people may develop an exaggerated attention to signals and cues in their social environment, looking for signs of rejection or abandonment. This can lead to an exaggerated sensitivity to seemingly neutral behaviors or words.
Difficulty building and maintaining healthy relationships: Abandonment trauma can create difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships. Individuals may tend to get drawn into dysfunctional relationships or avoid relationships due to fear of abandonment.

How do you resolve this need for revenge?

Resolving the need for revenge is important for maintaining healthy relationships and for mental and emotional well-being. Here are some tips for managing this need:

Self-reflection: Start by asking yourself why you feel the need for revenge. Maybe you have been hurt or upset in some way. Try to understand the deeper reasons for these feelings.
Open communication: If you are angry with someone, try to have an open and honest conversation with that person. Explain your feelings and listen to what they have to say. Communication can resolve many conflicts.
Empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. There may be reasons or circumstances that you don't understand. Understanding different perspectives can help you forgive and let go of the desire for revenge.
Forgiveness: Forgiveness is an important step in managing the desire for revenge. Forgiveness does not mean that the other person is right or that what happened is acceptable, it means releasing those negative feelings and moving on.
Finding healthy ways to release stress and anger: Exercise, meditate, or write in a journal. These activities can help release negative emotions and manage stress.
Seek support: If you feel like you can't deal with the need for revenge or negative feelings on your own, talk to a trusted friend or seek out a therapist for support and guidance.
Learn from experience: Use the experience to learn and grow as a person. Understand what you could have done differently in the situation and how you can avoid future conflicts.
Set healthy boundaries: If the relationship with that person or situation is constantly and negatively affecting you, you can decide to set boundaries and protect your well-being and mental health.

Overall, it's important to try to let go of the desire for revenge and focus on developing a healthier, more constructive perspective on the situation. It's a process that may take some time, but it's beneficial to your long-term well-being.

Conclusion

Revenge is just a weapon that traps you in a vicious, toxic cycle. It won't help you.

It is important to realize that it is a fairly high internal energy consumption that ends up exhausting you.

🔊 Discover how you can resolve revenge (sweet revenge)! Sign up for a session now FREE 1-on-1 to learn the secrets of emotional management.

What is revenge?

Men who want sweet revenge