Yesterday we talked about "Women's Savior or White Knight Man", and today I'm talking about the collateral victim. Of course, it's a metaphor to represent what I'm going to tell you right away in this article.
What does victim mean? What does victimization mean?
From an institution's point of view, victim means the following:
“The word ‘victim’ refers to a person or body that has suffered damage, injury, or harm due to an action, event, or situation. Being a victim means that you have been negatively affected in some way, whether due to a criminal act, accident, natural disaster, abuse, or other unfortunate circumstances. The term ‘victim’ can be used in a variety of contexts, including criminal justice, medical, human rights, or generally to describe someone who has suffered because of others or circumstances.”
When I say women's collateral victim, I mean the following:
"A man/boy who is used as a cover/dressing for a woman's hidden interests, without communicating her true intention"
What exactly am I referring to?
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My story of how I was a collateral victim
I was about 18 years old and a student at "Traian" Theoretical High SchoolAt the time, I was in a 5-year relationship with a curly girl and my first girlfriend since I was 13-14.
She was a quite possessive and very jealous woman, so there were non-stop fights.
Until one day I decided to break up with her and end it.
At that time, I had a friend named Alex who knew my situation and I knew his. Alex was with Alina, and I was with Corina.
Both women had similar personalities.
What happened?
Both women, when they saw us breaking up with them, had the hidden intention of giving themselves to the other.
Alina had started flirting with me and playing the victim to defend her.
Corina had started playing the victim with Alex, and Alex, to get revenge on me, was making advances to her.
It was a vicious circle, haha.
What do I mean by that?
I was just a collateral victim of that woman's:
- be her emotional dressing after that separation
- to be her Savior or White Knight Man
- to make the "bad boy" who broke up with her jealous
I'm sure you've been through this. How right after a breakup, the woman in question started making advances at you and telling you how cruel her ex was, and you fell into the trap of being a collateral victim, a savior, and defending her.
Women who are victimized or complain
You are probably wondering:
"Why do women do these things?"
"It's not fair, it's not unfair"
"I feel betrayed, used, taken for granted"
The questions and statements you make can go on and on.
You can become a "bad boy" to get revenge on these women.
You can get angry or frustrated, but you won't solve anything and you'll just end up arguing.
Let's understand these women. These women inside themselves feel helpless, powerless, princesses stuck in a tower waiting years, decades for a brave knight to come to save them.
Even though this prison, this tower, is their mind, they do not realize that they are waiting for their rider on a white horse to save them from their mental "swamp."
I do this through different methods:
- Strong feelings of suffering: People who feel like emotional victims may experience intense feelings of distress, sadness, or despair. These emotions may be caused by traumatic events, losses, or conflicts.
- Self-pity: Emotional victims may tend to display self-pity and perceive themselves as wronged or persecuted by others or by life in general.
- Blame others: A common characteristic of emotional victims is to attribute blame and responsibility for their difficult or unhappy situations to other people or circumstances, avoiding taking their own responsibility.
- Vulnerability and anxiety: People who feel like emotional victims can often be more vulnerable and experience higher levels of anxiety. They may have difficulty coping with stress and feel like they have no control over their lives.
- Constant requests for attention and support: Some emotional victims may repeatedly demand attention, support, and validation from others. These constant demands can become exhausting for those around them.
- Resistance to change: People who feel like emotional victims may tend to cling to the status quo and resist change because it may generate additional fear or insecurity.
- Lack of self-confidence: An emotional victim may have a low perception of their own self-confidence and may have difficulty making decisions or acting independently.
- He constantly complains: A person who plays the victim constantly complains about how unfair their life is and what happens to them.
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The boy who takes pity on the helpless woman (Victim of women)
When she applies these victim mechanisms, you tend to enter the role of women's savior or White Knight because you want something to be given to you.
At that moment, many men usually just become a collateral victim of these women who take advantage of them or take them for fools.
Many men don't realize these aspects and end up going around in circles constantly helping and saving women.
Other men end up getting frustrated and angry at some point because they feel "fooled", "used", "unjustified", etc.
At that moment they start asking for what they want. To communicate their needs.
Until you realize that you are just a collateral victim through which the woman satisfies her desires, hidden intentions, you will spin in the following circle:
Savior – Betrayed / Revenge – Savior (mercy) – Betrayed / Wronged
Where does this collateral victim come from?
First of all, it would be good to understand that the woman in question is a mirror of an emotional part of you.
You have that victimization within you, you're just not aware of it.
That first and foremost, and secondly, it's your relationship with your mother.
You probably had a mother in your childhood who was:
- always helpless
- seek attention
- he was complaining to you
- victimize oneself
- not taking responsibility for one's mistakes or one's life
- blame others or even yourself
This made you a savior or a White Knight who always had to save her, hold her hand because she was a helpless little girl.
At the moment it annoyed, frustrated, and unfairly offended you, but she manipulated you through different tactics:
- constant arguments
- does not communicate with you
- He didn't give you attention, love, or appreciation.
- He didn't offer you material things, food, etc.
- no longer helps you with what you needed
- constantly leaves you alone or leaves you alone
Because you depended on her as a child and saw her as an authoritarian figure who helped you survive, you needed to swallow these things.
You were probably holding all that anger, frustration, rage, or nerves inside.
How do you resolve victimization?
Stepping out of the victim role involves a process of self-reflection, self-development, and taking responsibility for your own life and well-being. Here are some steps you can take to step out of this role:
- Realize that you are in a victim role: The first step in resolving this situation is to acknowledge that you are in such a role. Honest self-assessment and acceptance that you may have been caught in this behavior are essential.
- Identify the sources of victim thoughts and behaviors: Try to identify past events or experiences that contributed to the development of this behavior. It is important to understand why you feel like a victim and what led you to this position.
- Take responsibility: Instead of blaming others or circumstances, start taking responsibility for your choices and actions. Recognizing that you have control over your own destiny is an important step.
- Working on developing self-esteem: Building healthy self-esteem is essential to moving beyond the role of victim. Work on developing self-confidence and accepting your own worth.
- Learn to manage emotions: Learn emotional management techniques to deal with stress and anxiety in a healthy way. Meditation, breathing exercises, and therapy can be helpful in this regard.
- Set goals and develop a plan: Identify your goals in life and develop a plan to achieve them. This will give you a sense of purpose and direction in life, which can help you move beyond being a victim.
- Find support and resources: Don't hesitate to ask for help from friends, family, or a therapist. Having a strong support network can help you overcome obstacles and grow personally.
- Practice gratitude: Focus on the things you are grateful for in your life and your successes. Gratitude can change your perspective and help you change your attitude towards life.
- Learn from experiences: Instead of feeling victimized by negative experiences, try to learn from them and use them to develop and grow as a person.
- Be patient with yourself: Breaking free from the victim role can be a long process. It's important to be patient with yourself and not get discouraged if difficulties arise along the way.
- Stop jumping to the rescue of other victims: Stop being the savior of other victims, because you will only continue your toxic cycle of victimhood.
Conclusion
In conclusion, don't be a fool to believe everything that comes out of a woman's mouth.
Stop being a jerk and swallowing all the "dumplings" of women when they complain or victimize.
If a person didn't like being there, they would have looked for solutions to get out of that position.
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