How much does a break in a relationship help?

Have you had or do you feel like you need a break in your relationship? If so, we can assume that you don't know if this break in the relationship will help you or what exactly you need to do. In this article, I will tell you several aspects, information, both from a psychological point of view, but also from a male point of view.

In this article, I will provide more information from psychotherapist Oana Nicolau, with whom I resonated and wanted to highlight those aspects.

What does a break in a relationship mean?

A break in a relationship, from a psychological, psychotherapeutic point of view, is welcome as long as there is a grand purpose for which it is reached at this point. When I say grand purpose, I mean solving the challenges you encounter in that relationship.

Many times, we get so personal in the disputes, the conflicts of the relationship, that we no longer have the opportunity to see the big picture. We are so close to the picture, that we don't see the whole picture.

Here's what psychotherapist Oana Nicolau says:

"I recommend it in therapy sessions, but not for all couples. I find it beneficial only in certain situations," says psychotherapist Oana Nicolau, founder of the Psychotherapy Clinic. Oana Nicolau, part of the REGINA MARIA Private Health Network.

What are the situations in which it is worth taking a break in a relationship?

Some situations that resonate with me and that I have gone through in the past, I found are here :

● In the case of couples where there are major, recurring conflicts, conflicts that they have not been able to find solutions to, even though they are undergoing therapy sessions. "Sometimes, even if a couple begins a therapeutic process, they fail to understand the aspects that need to be improved in the relationship and fail to work on finding solutions.

This happens because, often, there are very big blockages, a difficult past or difficult experiences in other relationships, which prevent them from finding the emotional availability to find solutions," details psychotherapist Oana Nicolau;

● In the case of couples where one of the partners does not know what they want or if they still want something from the relationship, or he is no longer sure about his feelings.

"Maybe they faced some difficulties in the relationship, maybe it was an infidelity, or maybe one of the partners went through more difficult situations and an emotional distance was created between the two. If not repaired in time, this detachment can make them lose their feelings or no longer be sure of what they feel. The two partners begin to go on different paths and develop differently, forgetting that they had a common plan and vision.

Many times, they end up not finding each other and not returning to the same path. And in these cases I recommend a break from the relationship,” says Oana Nicolau;

● In the case of couples where both partners become insecure about the relationshipFor those who wonder if it still makes sense to continue the relationship, if they still love each other, or if they can still repair certain aspects of the relationship, a break can be a method of clarification.

What are the situations when it would be good to take a break as a man?

From a male perspective, I'll show you other situations where it would be good to take some time, some space, a break in the relationship to regain yourself. What are those moments?

1. When you become possessive, jealous of your partner;
2. When you become aggressive, conflictive or irritable over anything;
3. When you express desperation for your partner;
4. When you follow your partner, who they talk to, where they go, who they go with, etc.;
5. When the roles of man and woman have changed in your relationship;
6. When your power has been taken over by your partner;
7. When your feminine energy dominates you.

Be careful! This break in the relationship is for you to regain yourself and become what you were at the beginning of the relationship. Very often, during the relationship we tend to lose ourselves as men for various reasons, and this break in the relationship gives you the opportunity to get back on your path.

It's important to express this honestly and confidently to your partner, without giving her the impression that it's just a reason and an excuse.

Later, I'll talk to you about women who ask for a break in their relationship for various reasons.

What do you need to mutually agree on for the break in the relationship?

Some rules that the psychotherapist recommends are:

Determine the reasons why you want your break

Whether the break is recommended by a therapist or the two partners come to this proposal on their own, it is important to clarify the reason why they need this break.

"The reason may be to recalibrate the relationship - to see what we want, if we still want to continue together, if we still have feelings for each other, to analyze whether we can repair what needs to be repaired and find solutions to revitalize the relationship, to give it a new lease of life and become as happy as at the beginning or, perhaps, more than at the beginning," details psychotherapist Oana Nicolau.

Set the duration of the break

The time spent apart from your partner can be too short for clarification or, on the contrary, too long to bring benefits to the couple. There is an ideal duration of the break, a "healthy" interval that truly brings benefits to the relationship, according to psychotherapist Oana Nicolau.

It is a minimum of one week and a maximum of two weeks. "Whether we want a seven or ten-day break, it is very important that partners establish the exact duration of the break from the very beginning and respect it," recommends Oana Nicolau.

Set the rules during recess.

Another very important discussion that needs to take place between partners is related to the things we can or cannot do during the separation.

The break should not be seen as a vacation from the relationship, says the psychotherapist. "It is not an opportunity for fun, for going out with friends or other potential partners. The rules are very clear: everyone will live separately, if they did not already do so, under no circumstances will they stay together in the house.

The partner who is leaving should not live with friends or parents during this period. The people around will influence, in one way or another, the purpose of this break. Inevitably, they will talk together and exchange impressions. We should not talk to anyone during this period. We will only be with ourselves,” recommends the psychotherapist. It is not advisable for partners to talk, send messages or meet during the separation.

The temptation to write even a short message to your partner during this break is very strong, but it is not advisable at all. If you stay in touch, you lose the objective and benefits of this break.

Another rule I suggest is:

Reassure each other of the reason why you are doing this.

Usually in a relationship, the reason why one partner wants to take a break from the relationship can be misinterpreted, so I suggest you communicate to your partner that your intention is not to meet another woman or if you have met another woman.

It is strictly for your own good, to place your thoughts, feelings, vision, and emotions.

What do we do during the break in the relationship?

"The two should take time for themselves during the separation. The beauty of this break, if it can be called that, is that, during the time they spend apart, both partners begin to reflect on the relationship as a couple, become aware of certain aspects, and realize what they want to do next," says Oana Nicolau.

The break can create a feeling of abandonment for one or both partners. Even if they shouldn't be in touch, it's important for them to feel like they're staying in touch and that they're doing so for their own good and the good of the relationship.

"To avoid feeling abandoned, I recommend that they write a letter to themselves every night before bed."

Writing may seem old school, but it's therapeutic. If they don't want to write by hand, they can use their laptop, but it's important to write. Even if they are far from each other, the fact that they will write to each other will keep them in touch and they will not lose connection, despite the physical distance,” says the psychotherapist. This writing exercise should be applied every day of the separation period, but the partners will exchange letters only at the end of it, when they reunite. It is recommended that both partners do this exercise, even if only one of them felt the need and asked for a break from the relationship.

What should they write? Any spontaneous thought that comes to mind at the end of the day regarding the relationship, whatever each partner feels they need to write at that moment. "They don't have to write about anything in particular, but about whatever comes to mind. It's a letter addressed to the other. Maybe they want to reproach themselves for things, maybe they had time to reflect on certain things during that day or remembered the unpleasant ones, maybe they want to say pleasant things or maybe they want to say things that they haven't managed to communicate to each other," Oana Nicolau details.

Here I totally agree with what psychotherapist Oana Nicolau says. This will help you enormously in seeing and releasing the emotional load, the tension between the two of you in writing.

Other things I recommend doing during this period are:

• Mindfulness meditations;
• Regressions, first cause therapy;
• Family constellations;
• Going out into nature, walking through nature;
• Dancing;
• Singing;
• Exercises for self-love.

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What do you discuss when you meet up with your partner after a breakup?

"Of all the things they wrote down, they should take the essential ones – the things they need to resolve in order to have the relationship they want. During the separation, they had time to reflect and, for sure, they still have things to say to each other. Their conversations should be focused on personal needs and desires," the psychotherapist recommends.

The discussion between the two partners could go like this: "During the time we've been apart, I've realized that my personal needs are these, my needs for you are these, and my needs for our relationship are these. Then, the other partner should express their needs, and finally, see how they can find solutions together so that both of them feel fulfilled in their relationship."

As a man, it would be important to communicate and express your needs to your partner. Specifically, what you want. Not imposing or aggressive, but in an assertive way that shows what you want.

A man is the one who takes action and gets things done.

With which women would it be better to accept a break in a relationship?

I want to make it known, especially to men, which women it would be better to accept a break in a relationship with and which women you shouldn't accept this with.

I don't know if you know, but some women choose to take a break from their relationship for other reasons, such as:

• met someone else or is talking to someone else;
• she is no longer attracted to you;
• they no longer respect you;
• he no longer wants a relationship with you;
• she is not committed, honest and mature.

As long as she has these desires and behaviors, she will try to break up with you in the most subtle way possible so as not to hurt or make you suffer. The woman in question wants to avoid your possible aggressive actions.

To figure out if this woman is like this, pay attention to the following characteristics:

• acts coldly;
• behaves aloof;
• it gives you insecurity;
• does not communicate emotions, what he feels with you;
• does not communicate what he thinks about you, relationship;
• She is evasive in her explanations;
• avoids or runs away from you, rejects you.

These types of women, in most cases, but it is not mandatory, fall into the category of those who want a break in the relationship, but with a hidden reason.

There are certain women who don't behave like this, who clearly explain to you why they want a break in the relationship, giving you security and trust.

Conclusion

I recommend that you, as a man, choose wisely which women you take a break from in your relationship. To weigh whether that woman is worth it or not. If that woman wants a break because of common problems.

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